what am i thankful for?

okay, thanksgiving was a while back...tough.
I've been thinking a lot about things lately. relationships, life, the usual gambit of lousy introspective thought. Tonight I am peturbed. I really don't have hardly anything to be thankful for. I have never had anything in my life that made me step back and say "wow, thank goodness I am alive"
I have my health, food in my stomach, a roof over my head. I have personal freedoms that are taken for granted. I have a job (shitty but I have one). There isn't war knocking on my doorstep, there isn't famine of rampant disease, there is nothing interesting or exciting, or dangerous. I sit behind a desk all day getting fat. Either I have grown extremely calloused, or there is simply nothing happenign around me. it makes me depressed, because the most stressful thing in my life is that I have a hard time making rent this month. Thats a lousy fucking existence.

And yet even when things were good (not very long ago at all) I still wasn't happy. I have a GF that I'm not happy with. I have a vehicle I can't be happy with. I have a roommate I can't be happy with. I have an apt that is okay but an apt. I have parents that are good now but treated me wrong in the past. About the only thing that is good and constant is my brother, and I never get to see him anymore.
more depression. lousy.

-g