So everybody apparently wants to know the details of around
the Porsche. My silly friends!
I always wanted a 911 since I was into cars. I think most kids do. Never really thought much about buying one till maybe a month ago. I was sitting here looking at my monthly budget and the $20k joke of a Jeep parked outside. I thought to myself:
"Self, I bet for another $20k you could probably have a cheap Porsche."
So I started where every good tight-wad does: Craiglist!
I proceeded to find nothing much, so I hop on the backup eBay. Sure enough there are hundreds of Porsche 911's on there! Mostly newer models for a billion or two. But a couple days later a good looking black beauty shows up, listed in Chicago. I message the seller and arrange to come check it out on a Sunday evening.
This whole trip is a mini-story for over cold beers. I did not buy this one (though I tried after if showed up on Craigslist a week later) but I did sit in it and drive it around the block. Even though the transmission made more noise than the engine I could tell the chassis was different than your average car and the engine had lots of power.
Fast forward a couple weeks. Back on eBay again. I find a silver 1999 Carrera for dirt cheap. Major problem is that it is listed in South Carolina. I don't heed it much notice because of the distance problem but I add it to my watch list. The following friday I drink way too much coffee at work and before you know it have put in what I think is a "low" bid. Noon- no other bids. Before I leave for the day- no other bids. A few other bids did show up eventually but somehow my bid scheme netted me a winning bid.
WTF!? Did that really happen? Oh shit, it did. :)
So a few phone calls later prove that the seller does actually exist and is okay with us coming down on a weekend. Bank says okay, the next day two one way tickets are booked and the rest of the adventure starts taking shape. I will spare the planning details, but the actuality follows.
Friday was Leann's birthday so we left work early and headed up to Madison to have a pretty tasty dinner at The Old Fashioned with Kaitlin and our friends Alex and Katrina. A few drinks and we are all ready to crash for the night, staying at Alex and Katrina's.
About 2 AM we get up and get dressed, through the bags together and Alex drives us to the CoachUSA bus stop by his house. 2:35 we board a very comfy, sparsely populated, bus headed for Chicago-O'Hare airport. The first bus stops in Janesville where you switch to a different bus that goes to O'Hare (you can take a different one to Midway and downtown). About 5 minutes down the road the drive comes on the PA and says "I'm really sorry about the cold. The bus is not making ANY heat so i am going to get you guys a different bus in Rockford"
This event was at first a "oh no!" moment but the driver and the bus company came together and it went great actually. I will likely ride the Van Galder/CoachUSA bus again I had such a good experience!
So, we arrive at the US Airways terminal at about 5:05am. I go up to the self-check-in kiosk and attempt to enter our confirmation number. Nothing found. Try my name, my credit card, nothing gives an itinerary. We ask a ticket lady and Leann has some other schedule open on her phone and the lady says "oh thats not us it sounds like a Delta flight" so we wander off to the Delta counter, but half way there my brain finally wakes up and says "that was totally the wrong flight we told her" so we saunter back to the US Airways counter.
This time there is a large black man who approaches us. In a big black man voice "WHAT DESTINATION!"
Me "Uhhh....(think think think) Charlotte?"
Him "OKAY WE NEED TO GET YOU BOARDING PASSES AND THROUGH SECURITY RIGHT NOW!"
Me "(what the effff, what is going on again?)"
He proceeds to bark at the ladies behind the counter and they ask us for our ID's and start furiously pounding their keyboards while the Big Man start filtering through the crowd looking for other Charlotte bound people.
Finally we get our passes and he whisks us off to the TSA screening. At this point he zips down the "Military" line. I hesitate and look around like I am lost. He furiously motions us to follow and tells the ID checker guy that we need to get scanned RIGHT NOW. I had to laugh at this bit since all the other lines at the screening location were empty at this point, but it was kind of fun just the same. I also would not have gone down the Military line if there had been any Military personnel in it, as I respect that luxury they receive Just sayin!
Oh, and before he sent us the through the Big Man finally divulged the secret: Our scheduled 7:45AM flight had been delayed 2 1/2 hours so they were trying to get anybody there on the earlier flight. NICE!
So we zip through Security and walk briskly to the gate. Which of course is damn near the last gate in the concourse! I believe we were the second to last people on the plane.
Total time spent in ORD, maybe 20-25 minutes. Total.
I try sleeping, but no luck.
We land in thick cloud cover at Charlotte, NC. We are now a few hours ahead of schedule so we check the flight board and there is an earlier flight to Greenville, SC. We talk to the nearest ticket desk and the lady informs us it is standby only but she will put us on the list. We grab some tasty southern breakfast from a BBQ joint in the airport. Then we wander out to the regional terminal and find out that most of the central eastern seaboard had been shut down the night before due to ice, canceled flights everywhere.
We make it to our possible flight's gate and get ready to take a nap. Soon they are calling a list of standby passengers. "Johnston!"
No way! i never get called! Sure enough we are rewarded with two seats on the early flight! BA.
Now we arrive at GSP and collect ourselves and a rental Accent. The rental counter guy gets the brief story of why we are there and then advises me that South Carolina does not issue salvage titles so to keep that in mind. Drive to Anderson, SC, to the amazingly shady office of AutoRV Mart.
Typical shitty car dealer, with the addition of a couple 5th wheel RVs and two Porsche's (they also had a Boxster on eBay I had noticed which I took as a positive sign)
Patrick the sales guy, and half the company, is about as slimy as I would expect i guess. The car has some obvious issues but I take it on the test drive and try to zone his jabbering out.
Ultimately I decide the good (Price) outweigh the bad (wobble/shake at speed, rough idle) and give Lauren, the other half of the company, the money and do paperwork.
So ends part one. INTERMISSION.
We leave Anderson, headed for the airport to return the rental car. I am driving the Carrera, thinking the wobble is not great but i have had much worse and hopefully it won't get any worse. I may as well say it right now- It never did get any worse, though the car clearly needs an alignment. But when I switched the headlights on and came up behind a truck I couldn't see and reflection of the lights. I also couldn't see any reflection of turn signals. I start to freak out, because I just made a huge rookie mistake: Left the car lot without checking the all the lights! I call Leann but she does not answer and she is a ways ahead of my now. I keep calling and no answers. I catch up to her and flash the highs, which she reacts to but does not stop or exit. I finally pull along side and wave my phone at her. She claims the phone was on vibrate. I think she was grooving out to the country station. *shrug*
So we finally pull off on the busiest exit on the damn highway and we determine that all rear lights work, no front signals and really dim yet visible headlights. I tell myself it is just the sunlight playing with my mind. We continue to the airport and Leann returns the rental.
I am ready to grab some food and hit the road, as is Leann, so we head out for the highway. My mind says "alright dude, you did it, you know can't really go back so you better mark your ride." So, I swing into the on-ramp and put my foot in it. About half way to the highway, at about 5-6k RPM, Leann starts yelling. I look up into the rear-view and HOLY SHIT!
Imagine the scene in a James bond when he deploys the smoke screen from his Aston. Yeah, this was crazy smoke. Can't see any traffic behind and the cloud is huge and clearly not going away so I crank the wheel to the side and hit the binders.
We both jump out pretty freaking quick, and I'm sure we both had the exact same thought "Where is the fire extinguisher!?" Of course there is no extinguisher in the car. I jump back in and kill the engine and pull the trunk release and jump to the back and pop the lid. Luckily no flames came billowing out, though it wouldn't have surprised me at this point!
We both stare at the engine for a moment as the cloud drifts across the highway. I stuck my face under the car and don't see any fluids gushing out of anywhere. I decide that I really don't want to be on the side of the highway, and really don't want to deal with any law enforcement personnel right now. So I gingerly get back in and turn the key on- lights come on but nothing stays on that shouldn't, key start- chug chug, chug chug, again- chug chug, again- chug chug vroom!
Miracle of miracles it actually starts. It blows thick smoke from the drives tailpipe for a minute and then starts thinning. I decide to limp it to the next exit to investigate. Again miraculously, as I accelerate slowly the smoke goes away. The engine acts normally. I decide to speed up to highway speed and try the next exit. No problems at speed either.
Finally we do pull off the highway, at the BMW factory, I believe in Greer, SC, and snap some pictures and then hit up the Subway across the highway for some needed nutrients.
At this point the entire day comes crashing down on me and I get sick to my stomach. I have a very silent moment of reflection and feel like I have made some kind of ridiculous mistake.
After eating I check all the fluids and everything is right where it should be. Weird. At the time of writing this I still have no idea what happened! I am sure over the next couple of weeks I will figure it out though.
We drive for a few hours, then stop at a Walmart where I pick up a gallon of Mobil1 and a gallon of window wash. We grab some water and energy drinks. Leann grabs an air freshener. :) women...
A few more hours of driving, trouble free.
We stop at a rest stop somewhere in the mountains. Use the facilities and snap some pictures. The engine fires up and we start rolling. As we approach the exit, and flood lights fade out, I realize we have no headlights! OH My GLOB!! no high beams, no low beams, no wipers. BUT if I hold the high flash the high beams do come on!
So now we are merging back onto the, thankfully empty, highway with only flashing highs. I realize this is ridiculous and screech to the shoulder once again. The headlight knob doesn't do anything no matter what position. I cycle it many times in frustration. Finally, the years of working on cars and the Bachelors degree in automotive engineering come back to me: I pound on the dash above the switch and PRESTO! lights burst on, vent fan kicks on, stereo comes to life! Hot damn, lets ride!!
Several more hours of mostly peaceful driving. Each time we stop for gas we need to do the light-pound procedure which is interesting...
We eventually make it from SC, through NC, Tennessee, Kentucky, and finally into Indiana. We arrive at Tyler's casa at about 1:30AM sunday morning. we bullshit for a few hours, catching up on life and recounting all of the above, and have a beer, eventually drifting off to sleep. Tyler's couch is amazing by the way. I know where i'm sleeping next time i visit!
In the morning Tyler gave us the driving tour of Columbus, Indiana and all of the Cummins facilities on the way to the restaurant. The Hanger 5 restaurant is a hard to find, but amazing to eat at establishment. Well worth the 20 minute wait! A hearty breakfast hit the spot after the last 24+ hours of garbage and travel. Tyler took the Porsche around the block and then we said our goodbye's and took our leave.
We had looked up the weather and there was a nasty winter storm forecasted for around home, moving from northern IL into southern WI. After seeing large nasty radar maps before breakfast we decided to take the southern route through Peoria and up through Davenport and finally home. Luckily most of the storm never happened and we mostly drove through rain until Davenport.
Around crossing the river into Iowa, about sunset, the weather started getting worse. But most of the weather warnings were being lifted because of warm temperatures so we soldiered on! We did find a few slippery patches but never proper ice till we were actually in Dubuque, minutes form home.
The stupid huge Porsche turbo wheels did surprisingly well in the slippery conditions. Who knew Michelin pilotSport tires were okay on ice? crazy!
The end....
For now...
That is the story of getting the car. I am sure I will have many more amusing stories about all the crazy shit I have to fix and the ridiculous repair costs. :)
One more quick story: So far I have removed a 3.5farad stereo capacitor, about 8 feet of 4ga ground wire, a hardly-Davidson vanity plate and one quarter from 1994.
