I am 34. Not terribly old, but aware of my mortality.
Two years ago my life fell apart.
I spent much time in reflection, remorse, self-pity, anger, anxiety over the future. I put myself on display in hopes that somebody !ight notice and help me through such times.
Online dating netted me very little.
Finally somebody noticed and was interested. I was exstatic. Overjoyed.
The problem was that I didn't know how to act or what to do right.
The physical side of me wanted passion, sex, physical contact.
The emotional side of me wanted compassion, familiarity, understanding.
And both sides wanted it now.
Some emotion was met and then physical came about and my mind said no. Suddenly a tailspin, the end. As quickly as it developed it came apart. And why; because I had forced myself to believe what society and media spread: sex and emotion will just spring up like it's nothing. Total bullshit.
I had emotional baggage. She had emotional baggage. We both ran and spat in the face of that and didn't bother to stop for two seconds and talk about it. And because of that we are both now alone again.
As Shakespeare said "it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all." But holy shit will it tear you down.
